Why does this always happen to me??

Why is that who ever i love and hold close to my heart , find ways to get out of my reach and leave me far far behind?

Is it because they understand that the need/urge/desire i have to things/people i love is way too much to be considered anything normal?

Or the deep bond/attachment i share , reflect as a insane case of obsession??

I might never know how and why this keeps repeating in my life.. And my eternal loss of things i love gives way to a vast emptiness which i keep filling with things/ people mundane and ordinary , which find no mention whatsoever anywhere in my life's history..

And when i look back in life, all i find are pages bloated by tears and way too many empty pages.

i am actually proud of the fact that there are so many empty pages in my life, which kinda slacken the effect of the bloated pages on me.
My quest for the eternal holy grail continues..... My soul might never find the redemption it craves for, but life goes on and i continue to live life..

A song unheard ..

I heard you calling me but i didn't know what to do..
I looked for you in all the directions and didn't find you anywhere.
I didnt see the sea, i didnt meet the wave.
I wanted to come to you, but i didn't understand why..

Goombah

A sight of weepy hollows, the sorry answers for eyes , peer across the vast open space , now replete with carcasses of human waste land.

A man walks by, without flinching at the grotesque sight of the remains of what we call slaughter .

Dazed by the brownish red all around, the kids never stop their inquisitive glances over the torsoless heads and admire the handiwork of men who drained the vitality of throbbing veins and bulging muscles and reduced them into rubble of organs,limbs and a pool of blood



I stand in the midst of everything taking in the sight , with the realization of life, death and its various ways seeping through my being.

In my eyes..

I guess, i had read it somewhere or it was one of my so called stupid dates who said that Beauty lies in the beholder's eyes. Never gave it enough thought till this happened. This incident here made me realise its true meaning and spirit to the letter.

Saw A lady in the slum area near my place, with her 2 months old kid. She was putting a black dot on the baby's cheeks to ward off the evil eye. I smiled when i saw that the baby was ugly looking , thinking about the saying from my mother tongue" a crow's baby looks gud to the mother crow".
There was nothing surprising nor unusual in that. Until i saw the same lady the next morning.. She was asking people at the near by bus stop to help her cross the road , with the kid in her arms.
I was moved to tears.. cant really say why i was moved.. Not sure whether i was happy that she was blind or because her being blind didnot affect her love for the baby.

Couple of Lines...

Weak Memories fade away easily..
Vague is the memory of my maid's grand daughter , who was an year older to me..
Strong is the memory of the jealousy i had for her..
A broken slate with a triangular hole and a wooden frame made her happy and content ..
A new one and lots of colored chalk never even got me anywhere nearer..
I used to cry in silence with my box of chocolates
And all she had to offer me was a handful of Pebbles for they were precious to me than my chocolates..

A Love letter.. by Funny

Are you aware of the feelings you provoke in the deepest parts of my heart?Do you know that when i look at my reflection ,i see your face and not mine? Each day i am with you, i become more YOU. its as if you stretch yourself from wherever you are to wher i am like the ocean-- cool, vast and seemingly boundless..You engulf me wrapping me in all the love and care, one could never imagine and soothe my very being, rocking me like a wave at tide.

Did i tell you that my nights are no longer the dreaded hours, but anticipated moments of delight? How, i ask myself, can i look into your eyes and drown in the sensations of your love?

I wish to bask in the glory of your love and want you to be at my side in the journey of life ..

Yours Ever
I

Some Stanzas ,,

Its pouring outside..
Its smelling of jackfruits inside..
Jackfruit.. reminds me of my grand mother.. Rough from the outside and as sweet as elexir from the inside. Who would know how elexir tastes, when all you are left is with a bitter after taste of death??

The newly wed daughter of the home has returned, home..
For, her presence in her better half's house might harm her new parents..
Soon the full moon day will come. Then would be the time to rejoice.
Till then they would have to wait, for this is what is called Monsoon by many . We call it ashadh.

A training session.. QUALITY.. Funny's ramblings

A bugs-bunnyIed guy walked in saying that he is going to take me(us) through the training module for the ISO certification/Benchmarking processes.With his funny looks and his spontaneous ability to speak in fits and bursts, he made me take time to understand what he was trying to make a room filled with hyper-interested , noise making crowd to understand the nuances of Quality. The first hiccup came when he ASS-U-ME-d that all the people had attended/undergone the ISO 27001 training sessions and started rattling off terms like DR and BCP.Who on earth would know what a DR is, if u walked in straight from the parking lot thinking about masala dosa and madonna..
He was an absolute drag with his weird accent which he was trying hard to sound neutral and the over use of "Purrfecct!!"s.. All his words were in a peculiar manner, very different from any of the accents i have known till date. Took me 6 full hours juist to comprehend what he was saying and why.
The funniest part in this whole gamut is that he simply failed to understand what my answers were. And the reason? He didnot understand the way i spoke or the meaning of what i spoke. Imagine him wearing a white shirt(He has a penchantfor white shirts or i think he had only one shirt which he kept wearing the entire week... eeeks),telling me that my answer is wrong and appreciating the next guy who paraphrases my answer. how annoying can that get when you are subjected to it for every Q n A session...

After the session ended, i find that he was the best trainer available and my company had to wait for him to get an appointment. May be he is good at what he does, but he seriously needs a re-work on his accent and English. And at generalising.

Bitchy me.. Funny's thoughts

Some one was yelling at the top of his voice last night . dint realize it was my inner voice.. Yelling at me cos i absolutely have no clue about what my ways are.. The line between acceptable and not acceptable is blurring away and things i have hold on to are fast disappearing into thin air.

I dont feel the same, worse.. i dont feel at all. Things which used to make me super happy donot affect me at all. I've become this super cynical,bitchy, complaining, scowling Ass**** .

Pretty Woman

This movie doesnt seize to amaze me everytime i get to see it. Blame it on Julia roberts!!!
Raunchy,Free Willing, Passionate -Julia Roberts!
Oh- What a pretty woman she is.. Not just pretty ,but a woman with a mind of her own. . Petty but Proud.. A prostitute and a woman who's self esteem personified- - What a combination??

All my life, i have always respected people who are true to themselves, people with personality(s), no matter whatever social, economical and physical strata they belong to.

But my dear friend, disagrees. He says that there is nothing else heinious than trading one's body for money . But i ask him this- - You trade something to get something . How different is selling one's body and get something in return from the so called Respectful jobs/careers people pursue ,which plainly translate to selling one's mental abilities to achieve fruitfulness??

He has no answers. I have nothing more to explain..

P.S: last night, four guys(me and 3 friends of mine) were watching Pretty Woman and none said a word till it finished off . Even the chatter during the breaks was very minimal. Never ever has a romantic movie kept my friends so silent and i am just thinking whether its the movie or the enacting which made them shut up.... :)

Jodhaa Akbar!

What do i tell you about this ethereal romantic magnum opus?
That the lilting music soars above you, me and everyone ?
If there's a way to yearning and longing for the Lord and expressing it, Man mohana is the subtle way i have ever known. The strains of the song just tug at your heart and take you on a ride.

If Khwaja mere khwaja was a superlative expression of thanks to the Lord, Mann Mohana is the plain jane version of "Come away with me".

The nuances of how two people , completely strangers- understand, feel and acknowledge feelings of love, culture and respect is beautifully potrayed by Kehne ko Jashn e bahara hai..

Aishwarya rai turns in a EXOTIC performance as Jodhaa. You just need to watch her playing with the swords, pleading with her brother, defying Akbar.

If another movie about Jodhaa is ever made, i am sure who ever plays Jodhaa would never get any close to Aish's Potrayal of Jodhaa.

visiting GOA through a goan's words

Did not know ever that Hindu Temples existed in goa.

Beautiful, Big, Serene and unknown to the raving traveller/visitor.

Didnt know that the famous mangeshkar sisters come from GOA.

Shown here is the manguesh temple to which the mangeshkars were temple servants. The Famous Trio of Lata, Asha and Usha come from the same family.

Inhibited by tribals on the onset,the brahmin settlers and the kshatriya people who migrated caused the tribal ppl flee Goa and go into jungles ,, Their vullage communities or gramsansthans were occupied by so called upper caste.

Didnt know that the uh-so popular churches were hindu temples of great respect and power in the middle ages. And most of them still house the hindu deities in insignificant forms.

Didn't know that most of the villas and enormous to live in -houses, have been empty for ages due to a varied list of reasons ranging from insanity of the occupants to bitter feuds.

Didnt know that there are hoards of beaches undisturbed by the ever surging crowd of tourists and only the locals know about them.

And.. there are so many things which i dont know because i have never visited Goa before for the simple reason that it had nothing to offer to excite my senses. Now, i know that i did the right thing by not visiting Goa earlier because now i know who to go with and where to go to and see a culture, ancient yet interesting, a lifestyle which is laid back but full of jest, lifes of people who are passionate yet with the uncanny ability to try making people understand what Goa is...

Dedicated to my friend , a maverick and a proud Goan!!!

D morose me!!

Two fulldays and i am in a haze!!
Lot of fun.. frolic.. dizziness and Nothing else..